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I'm unanable to sleep. I got home pretty late from work, and I guess I'm still winding down. I even played a video game for a few hours (~3) after getting home, and yet I feel like I'm still winding down. I've got a glass of apple juice, the laundry going, and a sleeping kitty at the end of the couch. But, instead of sleeping, I've been hunting down music from Jonah 33. (A band I became aware of through Pandora.com. I like they're sound a lot.) I ended up buying an album of theirs off of Amazon.com and then a Third Day album that I've been meaning to get, too! With how much I've been trying to save money (and needing to!, I feel a little bad. But, I got them for good prices. So, at least there's that!!!Lilly and I have been reading this book that was recomended by my friends, Paul and Becca. It's actually a book for newlyweds, but, since we're about to get married, we're reading it anyways. It's really kind of like two books in one. One side is for the woman/bride to read, and the other side is for the man/groom. It's called "The Most Important Year in a Man's Life: What Every Groom Needs to Know/The Most Important Year in a Woman's Life: What Every Bride Needs to Know". It's pretty good. There's apparently several ways two can read it, but we're taking the approach of reading 1 (or 2 if Lilly is feeling ambitious!) at a time, and then talking about and comparing our individual chapters. The chapters have common themes, but they're not the same.
It has me thinking about married life. And, now, each night when I come home, I find myself wondering at how different this place will be. I'm realizing it's not a temporary thing that will revert to the previous established ways after awhile. This is a permanent change! It's like the last few weeks of school, and then, you know, it will be done. And, you won't have to go back again. You won't be able to. It's the real world now. There's not a whole lot of moments in life you can look at and know, with certainty, that a change like that is coming. It's like moving out of your parent's house or, I imagine, like having your first child. It's totally krass to be here and no that this change is upon me, but not quite here yet.
And, please, do not let my thoughts here be misconstrued. I am so glad (überglücklich!!) that this is happening! I want to marry Lilly with all of my heart and soul! I'm experiencing a deep moment of introspection though.
In my life, I have loved before. I have been in love. I have been in love in such a way that I wanted "such and such person" to be the right one. It was never like this at all. Before, each time was like the other but with a different person. I don't mean to sound silly here, but it really is so much better and different in the best ways with Lilly. I feel like this is Holy in a true and sincere way. And, for that (amongst so many other things!), Lilly and I are so blessed by God. To be able to love her, and know that she is the right woman for me, the woman desired for me by God, is so "freeing". And that is so cool.
- Jonah 33 - All For You - (set to scenes from: The Passion of the Christ)
- Chris Tomlin - How Great is Our God
- Matt Redman and Chris Tomlin - The Wonderful Cross





























