More Lyric Fun

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Here's some random song lyrics to chew on:

The Waiting Room

Fight 'til your fists bleed, baby.
Beat the fate-walls enclosing you, maybe
God will unlock the cage of learning for you.
Fight 'til your fists bleed, baby.
Kick and scream at the wicked things, maybe
God will unlock the door you need to walk through.
When will it happen, baby?
It could be near, but then maybe it could be far.

Here we are in the waiting room of the world.
We will wait until you call our name out loud,
In the waiting room of the world.
We will wait until you call our name out loud.

And the battle will never end well.
You can't marry our heaven to your hell.
We, Prolific, and you, the Devourer, need to see
Some things are sacred, baby.
Why have you gone and trampled them lately?
I guess it's just all a part of your way.
You should be ashamed.
I'm getting tired of fighting.
I guess I should ask, "Do I go quietly down?
Do I kick, do I scream when I'm bound?
Are you coming to open the door? Are you near?
Are you near? Is it far?"

Here we are in the waiting room of the world.
We will wait until you call our name out loud,
In the waiting room of the world.
We will wait until you call our name out loud.


- Sixpence None the Richer

"When You called my name..." - The Newsboys

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I really like this song. It's been playing in the back of my mind off and on now for the last few days, and I kept meaning to listen to it. I'm finally listening to it right now, and I find myself thinking about what it is saying. As I sit and hope and pray that the Lord has a calling for me somewhere, I am easily discouraged when I remember my inadequacies. Yes, that never stops me from hoping because the truth is that I want to serve Him somewhere, somehow. I don't want to be so proud that I would walk away from a simple calling because it's not "esteemed" enough for me, yet I find myself just desiring something in which I can feel like I'm doing a part somewhere. I see a kind of danger in my own "ambition" sometimes that makes me wonder if I could ever be called by Him. I don't know the answers, just the desire in my heart to do something and know that it is firmly His will and plan. I guess that, if I knew I was doing something that was such, I would be forced to accept that He was qualifying me for it, and I couldn't run away so easily in fear.

Instead, I find myself thinking about how much I so often feel out of place, even amongst my brethren at times, because I don't know towards what purpose God has created me for. I can see that so much of my life until now has been wasted by me. I can't make something happen. I know that I need to be patient, I just feel so antsy sometimes, and I don't know what I'd do if He really spoke up and called me to something specific suddenly. As much as I long for it because I crave an understanding of why He created me, I also fear it.

Do you ask this question? I know people don't really post much about themselves in the comments here, and no one ever seems to ask questions or want to start discussions. But, I would really love to know what other peope think and how they deal with this question in their lives? (Assuming they are asking it...)

When You Called my Name

I want to preach the Word
they want massages
I check chapter and verse
they check their watches
I spy another yawn
I might as well be gone
let's stand and say Amen
some days I must admit
I still don't get this
could be it's time to quit
when days get like this
I slip into the night
then stumble towards the light
wake up and try again

when You called my name
I didn't know how far the calling went
when You called my name
I didn't know what that word really meant
when I recall Your call
I feel
so small

could be I'm losing touch
could be they don't care
Lord knows I don't know much
Lord knows I've been there
I trip toward my retreat
I fall down at Your feet
get up and try again

when You called my name
I didn't know how far the calling went
when You called my name
I didn't know what that word really meant
when I recall Your call
I feel
so small

Lord, what did you see
when you called out for me?
I start losing heart
and then
it comes again
lifted from despair
by the prayers of someone
lifted form despair
by the prayers of someone

when You called my name
I didn't know how far the calling went
when You called my name
I didn't know what that word really meant
when I recall Your call
I feel
so small


- Lyrics: Steve Taylor, Peter Furler (performed by: The Newsboys)

Another link!? Another blog!? Holy Snikies, Batman!

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I added a link to a friend of mine's, from church and the small group I go to through that church, blog, TreeInForest. It's over there on the right side of the page above the Sixty Three link.

I added it for two reasons:

1. It's good, and he said he wouldn't mind if I added it.
2. It makes it easier for me to go read myself (I can just open my blog page, and I suddenly have links to the sites I check routinely.... Very convenient)

I hope you all check it out. It's much better than mine, and, whilst that might not mean much to you, I encourage you to check it out anyways.

"I blog because it is the one place I can say what I want to say out loud and without interruption."

- Some random blogger who's blog is no longer up. Quote found here

The Benefit of Abstaining

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Since I have not been writing my blog every night lately, I've been finding it easier to get to bed earlier, and, consequently, easier to get out of bed in the morning when my Musankisha calls me.

I've probably said this before, but it's really cool how well I seem to respond to her calling me even when I'm asleep. I vagualy hear the phone and suddenly I find that I have sat up, grabbed it, and laid back down again. It's pretty cool. Waking up to her voice each morning is also so cool. I want it to stay like this. :-D

I heard a really cool quote tonight. It was, itself, being quoted in a TV show. It was originally a Shakespeare line:

What's past is prologue.

- William Shakespeare, The Tempest (Antonio at II, i)

What's a birthday without ye ole' Shuck 'n Jive?

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I need to go to bed, so I want to try to keep this short.

Tonight, I went out to celebrate my frined, Richie's, 28th birthday. He's only about 2 months younger than myself, and I have known him since the 4th grade. That's a long time. It was a lot of fun. I drink a lot, but I don't remember being even a little more than just buzzed. (by "a lot", I mean about 7 or 8 Crown or Chivas on the Rocks. It was over the course of about 4 or 5 hours though...) There was also a cup of Jumbilaya and some pink cake with frosting on it. Both were total lecker. Afterwards, I went with a couple of my friends out to Waffle House to get some breakfast.

We sat around for about an hour and a half or so eating breakfast and talking about the times we could remember from High School, etc. when we were doing or at least near drugs. I fall moreso into the second category, but I still remember a story involving brownies... (a friend of mine almost looked like Babar's twin that night! The difference? He was blue instead of gray!) At any rate, there were some interesting stories about times where people freaked out on this drug or that, and stories about dealers, etc. Then there were the stories from two of my friends about their "marital bliss" and farting in bed.

Does this sound like the kind of stuff you would expect to hear on my blog? Probably not. But, as the song says in The Moulin Rouge, "I only speak the truth. I only speak the truth." lol. Ya, right. It was pretty crazy though.

I think that the hardest part for me was listening to my friends tell me how much I would disappoint my Musankisha in bed if we got married. They automatically assume that, if someone has not had sex before, then they will automatically suck at it the first time. I will not have sex until I am married. When that happens, I really hope I do not "suck" at it. It's hard to hear people who have had such experiences telling me how bad it will be. It's discouraging.

Then, there was all the joking about what they would do if/when I had a bachelor party... They literally stated that I could "not avoid" having one and that there would most certainly be "midget strippers" there. I don't want that. If there is a bachelor party whenever I get married, I definatly want some of my friends from church involved in that so that, if things get crazy, I'll have backup to pull me away from that crap. I will need you, guys!

Ok, so maybe I'm getting way ahead of things here. I know. I know. It's still crazy because I know that these people think that I would regret it if they did not do this for me. They don't realize that I really don't want it.

So, the night was crazy. I've had quite a decent amount to drink, and, now, I am going to bed.

A very sincere "Happy Birthday!" to my old old friend, Richie!!! I love you, man!
(even though I know you don't read this blog. hehe)

This'll be great. We can stay up late, exchange manly stories and in the morning...I'm making WAFFLES!

- Donkey - Shrek

2014: A Visit to Court

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Last night, I helped my Musankisha stay up late working on a university project that needed to get done. We were up until about 2 A.M.ish my time. (That's about 9 A.M.ish hers) We were both so tired.

This morning, at about 5:30 A.M.ish (my time) and 12:30 P.M.ish hers, she called me to wake me up (as she has been doing lately) for work. This was an hour or two earlier than normal because she had some stuff to do in relation to finishing the project.

After taking my shower, I realized that it was about 6:40 AM. The significance of this time was directly related to a ticket I had recieved a few days ago at a "Driver Checkpoint" just outside my apartment. I must of forgotten to post about this on here. (I can't find anything about it) Basically, I had not noticed the new insurance id card come in the mail. Hence, I never replaced it, and, hence, I didn't have current proof of insurance on hand when they stopped me at their checkpoint. Doh! (I would like to take this moment to inform you of the following: Apparently, the Patriot Act has "legalized" these "Driver Checkpoints". This clashes pretty harshly with the 4th amendment and the way the Supreme Court has interpreted the need for a "Probable Cause" in making a traffic stop. Unfortunatly, the Patriot Act has not been deemed illegal yet for this. It probably has not had a challenge make it far enough into the system to have it tried. But, beware of this!! Driver Checkpoints are illegal under the 4th Amendment!)

So, why does 6:40 AM matter? Well, because, in order to take care of this ticket, I was told to "report" on a weekday morning with 21 days of recieving it to the Municipal Courthouse building on 2014 Main St. downtown. Furthermore, I was told I would have to

• have my insurance dec sheet stating that, yes, I was covered at the time
• be there at about 7 AM when the doors opened
• be one of the first 50 people in line.

So, guess where I was at 7 AM this morning. If you said, "The Courthouse" then you would be CORRECT!!! DING! DING! DING!

I was very tired. (Being on about 3 to 3 1/2 hours of sleep and all) So, of course, they made us all, after passing through the SINGULAR metal detector, stand in line for about 20 minutes with no clue as to where this was even the correct line. Luckily, it was. Then they explained the first step of the procedure to us. We would get cards with numbers on them: 1-50. If there weren't enough cards, we would have to come back. Today, there were enough cards. (yay!) Then, they said, we would have to be processed by the clerks. The two clerks. That wait alone was somewhere around the length of an hour. (It was now about 8:30 because we had waited, without knowledge of what was going on, until about 7:30) There were no chairs, but at least I was able to use my cell phone to occasionally write SMS's to my Reisebegleiter, who was working on her school project.

I finally got called to the clerk's desk. I was hoping that, since I merely needed to show my Insurance Dec sheet, the clerk would be authorized to handle it. This was not the case. (At one point of time, until recently, you could just FAX your Dec sheet into the courthouse. They stopped that due to the number of fraudulent Dec sheets they recieved) The clerk merely grabbed a couple pieces of paper (which later became pointless), and entered me into the computer system. I was then told to go upstairs to Courtoom 10. When I got up there, I discovered I would no longer be allowed to wear my hat. More importantly, I would no longer be allowed to use my phone.

I waited. And, I waited. Seeing the clerk itself had taken only about 2 minutes. Now, I was in court. The room was full of people staring at the wall. There was a guy and his father sitting behind me, telling me how stupid everything in the courtroom was. They were really proud of calling the judge and the prosecutor "snobby b&@$%'s" Really proud. The courtroom, you see, was basically set up like this:

There were a bunch of chairs. In the front of the room, there were three raised box looking things, connected together. If one had placed solid planks on top of each of these, one could of used them as an Olympic medal stand. One would of had to make 2nd and 3rd place even in height though. The thing is, these did not have planks on top of them. They had chairs (apparently) inside of them, and the judge sat in the center, highest raised spot. Meanwhile, the bailiff sat on her left, everyone else's right. Everyone else, that is, except for the prosecuter. There were actually two prosecuters, but one of them kept coming and going and coming and going. (and always too soon?) The prosecuters each had a desk. One on the right, and one on the left side of the court.

The process worked like this: One would walk in and hand their paper work immediately to the bailiff. After this, one would sit down and wait. Sooner or later, the prosecuter, having recieved the paper from the bailiff, would call your name. Then you would go to the prosecuter's desk where, basically, they would tell you what they were about to do to you. For some of the items, i.e. traffic tickets like speeding, they would tell you the charges and the penalties, and then ask you how you wished to plead to your crime. (In a system where a person is supposed to be "innocent until proven guilty", I see a problem here...) After the prosecuter was done, you would have to sit down again until the judge herself called you. After she spoke to you, you would thenn sit, one more time, before being called by the bailiff to recieve your paperwork, and leave the courtroom. That was the part I was looking forward to. For showing proof of insurance cases, they would just leave the judge out if one had the proof, and they would dismiss the case. That would then facilitate the bailiff finishing your paperwork and letting you go. Unfortunatly, my situation did not entirely follow the norm.

They lost my paperwork.

I get so apprehensive in "official" enviroments like that. I'm always afraid I might inadvertently do something to offend the judge or to accidently get into an argument with someone. Today, somewhen during the first line, I was praying about everything, and God reminded me that He is in control. So, when I began to suspect something was amiss, I didn't say anything.

It was probably after being in the courtroom for about an hour that I noticed that people that had walked in after me were now being called to the prosecuter's desk before me. I started getting a little worried. Finally, I walked up to the Bailiff's desk, and I asked him if he could just check for me to make sure I was still in the system since I had seen all these other people going ahead of me. That was when we discovered I was not. Whoops. I could of been there quite awhile longer before anyone would have noticed. Thankfully, I was not. The bailiff sent me down the hall to get some new computer printouts (which, thankfully, only required waiting behind ONE person in line), and, when I returned, promptly pushed me into the que. Yay! I was really glad when I finally got to see the prosecuter. I would get to go home in only a couple of minutes!!!

Ya. Right. I had another line to stand in. Down on the first floor of the courthouse building, They have 17 windows for clerks to handle the payments of tickets, fines, etc. 5 of these windows function random purposes. 2 of those 5 were for the clerks to process our initial line of 50 people, for example. The other 12 windows were for paying the fines, etc. Those 12 windows always have long lines. Always. Today was no exception. I had to stand in one of those lines in order to get the reciept. for my courthouse visit. This took another hour!!

During this time, at least I was allowed to use my cell phone again. Also, while many would call this a plus (and the time did pass quicker because of it), they had a large LCD (or, knowing the city's spending wisdom: Plasma) TV hanging up on the wall showing CNN. They were showing a really long special report on how great of a person Oprah Winfrey is. I don't like Oprah. She makes me think of the rich person trying to get into heaven. (Matthew 19:16-24) It is not my place to judge her, of course. I just can't stand her because I was forced to, at one point in my career, watch her every afternoon for about 2 or 3 years. So, Oprah = bad.

Finally, it was all over. I got to talk to the clerk, and she gave me my reciept. Yay! I know that God really did help me make it through all of that without blowing a fuse. Even though I was in a situation that was miserable, I felt a peace from Him throughout it all, and He didn't stop reminding me even once that He had everything under control. I even found myself telling the Bailiff to, "Have a great day!" Now though, I had one more hurdle to go: paying for my parking.

For some stupid reason, when I got there this morning, I didn't think it would take more than an hour. Maybe two. I parked in the parking garage across the street. It occured to me at some point while inside the courthouse, that that parking garage is probably expensive. I had $5 in cash on me. I was worried it would cost more than that. Especially since I had been in the court building for about 4 hours now. (I was there from 7 AM to 11 AM) As I walked up to the garage, I looked inside at the rates. (which I had missed earlier) They were $1.00 for every 20 minutes. There was a $6.00 maximum. Doh! If you do the math, I would have owed about $12.00 if there was not that maximum. Even with the maximum, that was a $1.00 more than I had in my pocket. Once again, God reminded me that He was in control. He had already carried me through my illogical yet present anyways fears inside the courthouse. Now, I was needing him to help me with this extra $1.00. I found that extra $1.00 in the "cash"tray of my car. (It's actually an ash tray) So, I drove on down to the exit. I handed the lady my parking punch card, and reached over to pick up my $5 and $1 in dimes. "$3.00", I heard her say. I tried to conceal my suprise. I noticed that she was even wearing a funny look. Maybe she had noticed that my card read "7 AM", the same time that that garage opens. I don't know. All I know is that I happily paid my $3.00 (the only money I spent on this whole thing at all!), and left.

It is so good to be done with it all.

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

- The 4th Amendment to the Consitution of the United States of America

A Brief Synopsis of a Day

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Yesterday was a pretty busy day. It was so busy that, even though I had stuff I could/should write about on here, I didn't have time to do it. Even more startling: I missed 63 for the first time (I believe) this year!!!

Of course, I still don't have much time to write about all of it here. But, I will try to share a brief list of yesterday's more (or less! lol) notable events with you:

• My Musankisha and I called her sister last night. This is actually the last person of her immediate family that I have been introduced to, and also the only one that speaks english so well that we could all have a long conversation. It was totally krass, but in a good way. My Musankisha cares so much about her sister. I think this was important to her. This is also why I missed 63. It was a pretty good reason, right?!
• I went to the Dentist. (fun? or not fun.)
• I finally found Texas Postcards!! Yes, I actually have been looking for these...
• I bought some new shorts. If you know me, you know tha seeing me in shorts has been rather rare over the last few years. I just haven't had any to wear...
• I got to work early. (also rare)

Ok, so, maybe not too impressive of a list. I think that first item was the really big event of yesterday. I would love to write more about it, but it was more of a personal nature. So, I'm not going to just share the details of it here.

I want to say this though (as I sit here thinking about all the things some of my friends say so often): I really love my Musankisha. It's kind of weird sometimes for our families and, moreso, friends to really take us seriously. This is especially true with non-believers. In fact, I am not aware of many believers (any?) who have told me to "watch out!" or "beware!" or "Take your time!" Our entire relationship is based on trusting Christ, and how can a non-believer easily accept that? A believer, in the meantime, tends to understand the power and trustworthiness of Jesus. The non-believer always says, "Oh, I accept your choices." But, what they're really saying is, "You guys are so full of crap! You can do what you want, but you'll have to prove it's validity to me in some way that doesn't involve God before I can really enjoy it with you."

I can understand that attitude. I used to be skeptical of these kind of things, even though I was a believer. I didn't really comprehend (and I still don't as fully as I would like to) the fullness of Christ's grace, and the way that the Father loves to give abundantly to us, His children. I always knew of it, but it was always as if it was something that affected other people and not me. He is really teaching me the amazingly real truth of it every day. Especially so with my Musankisha. The joy and delight that I am finding in her causes me to praise the Lord for her every day, every single time I pray.

This is a pretty early in the morning blog entry, and I'm about to go have my morning prayer time before I go to work. I'm unable to share it with my Musankisha this morning though because she has to be at work (unexpectedly). We've been sharing this morning time together lately, and it has been awesome. Just spending a short while each day, reading through a chapter of the bible (we are in 2 Chronicles and talking about Hezekiah right now) together, and discussing what parts stick out to us is so cool to me. I have never felt this close to another human being before, and, I believe, there will never be another either. Well, maybe with my (our?) children someday...I hope...

I would like to impart this experience of these times as a word of advice, if I may. If you are a Christian couple, and you are serious, do this and do it diligently!!! spending that time together talking about the Lord, and praying together will totally ground your relationship in Christ. There is no more trustworthy foundation for anything, and I think it would be silly not to do it. Heck, you could do this even if you are only in a more casual relationship. I can't really imagine why any Christian couple would not do this in fact. Maybe it's just me saying that though...

~ Love to you all!

"Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer."

- Cowardly Lion (Wizard of Oz)

This news article is a really well thought out read...

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I hope and wish more Americans would read this article: Israel's fight for life in the name of the West by: Daniel Jonah Goldhagen

It's a well thought out perspective on the recent Israel vs. Hezbollah/Lebanon conflict, and the options that Israel really had (or, rather did not have) while the rest of the world cried out for "peace".

"The use of even one nuclear bomb inside Israel will destroy everything."

"It is not irrational to contemplate such an eventuality."

- Hashemi Rafsanjani (The former President of Iran)

And in further developments in the case of terrorists getting away with a slap on the wrist...

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Hezbollah (or is it Hizbollah?) has started handing out large amounts of money to the people affected by their actions and the consequent results. They are buying support with money from, most likely, Iran.

This sort of attitude drives me crazy. These people will love them for bringing about the destruction of their homes and even their families because they will give them money and because the enemy is Isreal.

Divorce Party?

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So, here's the basic plot:
A friend of mine got married a few years ago when he got his girlfriend pregnant. That was two mistakes. After a year or so, she wanted a "seperation", and wanted to see other people. Since then, the knowledge that a divorce was coming has pretty much been common knowledge.

I don't like divorces, and I think that they should be a measure of last resort only for cases of adultery and, maybe also, domestic abuse. I believe very strongly that a marriage should be for good, and that the two people involved should be careful to recognize that going into it.

My friend's divorce just became final. I can completely understand why he's happy about that. His ex-wife has been seeing other men for a few years now, and he has been pretty single. That's not to say he hasn't wanted to date people, but I think he's really been kind of waiting for everything to be officially over. I'm proud of him a bit for that, even if it's only something written into the back of his mind.

Here's my dilemma :
A bunch of my friends are throwing him a "Yea! The Divorce is Final!" party. I'm glad that he's happy, and relieved that this situation is largely in the past now, but I hesitate to go to the party (I was invited, you see...) because I don't want that to be a message of support for divorce. I'm further conflicted bcause I haven't been hanging out with these people a whole lot lately, and I told them to call me if they wanted to hang out. Now, they're coming with this thing. I want to hang out with everyone, but I don't know if I can in this situation.

Any thoughts everyone?

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

- Robin Williams

* I apologize if the quote above has language that offends you. I think it is suprisingly appropiate.

How is the "War on Terror" progressed if Hezbollah is not disarmed?

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I don't want to get too caught up in a "political commentary" mood, but I do wonder what all of this fighting was for if Hezbollah is not disarmed? They were the agressors, and are, clearly, terrorists. So, Isreal attacks them vicsiously with the kind of force that must of made some of them wonder if their "human shield" of civilian targets would protect them. Obviously, it did because now the U.N. has stepped in and brought about a cease-fire. I'm not a fan of innocent people dying, but the straight truth is this: If terrorists can continue using civilian populations in countries that support them to prevent appropriate retribution for their crimes, what's to stop every country from secretly funding a local terrorists force in the future as a source for illegal action against their neighbors? The methods of the terrorists need to be counteracted, and that can almost certainly be achieved only by punishing the nations that support them, and assisting those that combat them. Otherwise, this threat will spread from being used primarily in jihadist movements into becoming a future global war strategy. Then, no one will be safe. We moved in this direction when we went into Afganistan. Why aren't we pushing for the same action in Lebanon now? What about other states that openly support terrorist regimes?

The biggest problem with this strategy is that it removes accountability. If a nation allows a terrrorist organization with political ideals similar to its own to use its home soil and resources to hide and act from, it needs to be held accountable. At least then, the terrorists can be properly hunted down instead of hiding behind "innocent" civilians and puppet-head governments.

The Lebanese Cabinet on Wednesday approved a plan to deploy the Lebanese army south of the Litani River starting the next day, a key demand of a U.N.-imposed cease-fire that halted 34 days of fighting between
Israel and Hezbollah.

The government, however, apparently skirted another key demand of the
United Nations, the disarmament of Hezbollah.

.....

In the strongest indication yet that the Islamic militant group would not disarm in the region or withdraw but rather melt into the local population and hide their weapons, Hezbollah's top official in south Lebanon said the guerrillas welcomed the Lebanese army's additional deployment in the south.

"Just like in the past, Hezbollah had no visible military presence and there will not be any visible presence now," Sheik Nabil Kaouk told reporters in Tyre on Wednesday.

from the article: Lebanon skirts issue of Hezbollah's arms
By SAM F. GHATTAS and ZEINA KARAM

He[the Lord] provided redemption for his people;he ordained his covenant forever—holy and awesome is his name. - Psalm 111:9

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Today, after work, I went by my parent's house and picked up a couple of pieces of mail from my Musankisha. One was a postcard, and the other one was a letter in an envelope made out of a map. When I got home, I read the postcard with her on Skype. I saved the letter though...

At 63 tonight, we had Bryan preach to us. I like Bryan a lot. He always has this kind of timid presence to him, but when he starts talking about the Lord, you can audibly detect his voice rising in decibels. It does this in direct proportion to his confidence and knowledge. I don't always agree with his conclusions, but he is such a smart guy that he's impossible to ignore.

As he did the last time I heard him speak, he started off with a personal embarressing story. It was something involving a time he told a friend of his to bug off because he was hoping to flirt a little bit with some of his peers. This didn't go over to well for him because she then told his peers that he had told her off, and he found his lunch tablle suddenly rather empty. As amusing as it was though (and it's always amusing to hear him telling these things), it had nothing to do with the message he was preaching tonight. He does it for tradition's sake.

The message he was preaching on tonight was out of 1 Peter.

Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ,
To God's elect, strangers in the world, scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia, who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood:
Grace and peace be yours in abundance.


Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

1 Peter 1:1-9

Peter is writing this letter to Christians who are being persecuted, and he writes this part of it to give them encouragement and hope. We have an inheritance in Christ that nobody on this planet can take away from us. No government, no criminal, no friend, no family, and no addiction can prevent us from having that inheritance if we trust and believe in Christ Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Peter was, according to Bryan, writing this letter to the very Christians who Nero was mauling in the colisseum, and using as human torches to light up the night. They were going through some heavy duty trials and afflictions. And so Peter reminds them that, no matter what happens to hem here on the Earth, their faith is garrisoned by God, and nothing can take away the salvation from them that they have in Christ. It's very encouraging to me to realize that we have that assurance in Him.

After Bryan was done speaking, I was not even out the door when my beautiful Musankisha called me up. I headed home and talked to her for a little while longer when I got there, but still did not open the letter from her yet. So, I watched some TV. The Ranger's lost. 9-7 to the Los Angelos Angels of Anaheim. (That is the stupidest name for a team ever!!) I watched a little bit of recorded Stargate after that. (I keep up with the show, but my interest has waned these past few years as I keep seeing more and more anti-Christian overtones, etc.)

Finally though, I was ready for bed. I fed my cat. I changed my cat's litter box. I brushed my teeth. I even decided I was not going to write an entry on here tonight. Then I picked up that letter.

It was a little tought to open because it was taped so well shut. I was kind of an idiot though. I didn't try scissors or a letter opener. Inside there was a totally cool letter. It was more of a book, really. It even had a thread binding. The covers were mmade out of a map like the envelope itself.

She wrote it on the last night of Freakstock. She told me about a bunch of really cool things. I loved it so much! I think this is, by far, the coolest letter I have ever recieved from anyone! (and, yes, I have recieved quite a few from people in my life) I love her so much!!! It's just so cool to see how God is working in our lives together.

I changed my mind about writing on here after I read her letter because I wanted to mention it. She's going to be calling me though in about 4 or 5 hours to wake me up. So, I need to go to sleep now!!

~ Goodnight!

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

- 1 Corinthians 13

Stand By Me

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me-e, yeah

Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Darlin', darlin', stand by me-e, stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

- Ben E. King

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

- Psalm 139:14-16

short

-

Almost played some StarCraft tonight, but didn't. Did listen to some music. Did play some Scrabble. :-) I've got to go to bed now. Good night!

"Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow."

- Rajah, my annoying when he's hungry cat

"church service"

-

I just had a thought after church today that made me go "hmmm..." Why, when church is over on Sundays, do we say that "the service has ended"? Why do we say things like "church got out" or "church was let out"? I've always thought of that Sunday morning fellowship as a "church service". I've been raised with that terminology. I've never given thought to what it means.

Service -

1. The act of serving; the occupation of a servant; the performance of labor for the benefit of another, or at another's command; attendance of an inferior, hired helper, slave, etc., on a superior, employer, master, or the like; also, spiritual obedience and love.
2. The deed of one who serves; labor performed for another; duty done or required; office.
3. Office of devotion; official religious duty performed; religious rites appropriate to any event or ceremonial; as, a burial service.
4. Hence, a musical composition for use in churches.
5. Duty performed in, or appropriate to, any office or charge; official function; hence, specifically, military or naval duty; performance of the duties of a soldier.
6. Useful office; advantage conferred; that which promotes interest or happiness; benefit; avail.
7. Profession of respect; acknowledgment of duty owed.
8. The act and manner of bringing food to the persons who eat it; order of dishes at table; also, a set or number of vessels ordinarily used at table; as, the service was tardy and awkward; a service of plate or glass.
9. (Law) The act of bringing to notice, either actually or constructively, in such manner as is prescribed by law; as, the service of a subp[oe]na or an attachment.
10. (Naut.)The materials used for serving a rope, etc., as spun yarn, small lines, etc.
11. (Tennis) The act of serving the ball.
12. Act of serving or covering.

I think that #3 is the one that applies to a "church service". My question though is this : Why do we call it that? It's really a meeting of believers to worship the Lord together, learn about Him, and fellowship with each other. The way in which we call it a "service" implies that it is a duty that must be performed. Some people even think that, by performing this "duty", they will be saved. It doesn't work that way though! Should we be calling it a "church service"?

In addition, why do we say we are "getting out" of church or being "let out"? Are we trapped in there? My point in asking all of this is simply this : When we use this terminology, are we not suggesting to those we are speaking to that we are "trapped" into performing an obigatory "duty" for the Lord? As if He needs us!!!!

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else.

- Acts 17:24-25

We are called to be servants, but that calling is not a Sunday morning "thing". It is something we should be practicing always. Therefore, maybe we should consider referring to our Sunday morning gatherings as "meetings" and "fellowships" instead of "services". We should be there willingly and joyfully to worship the Lord with our fellow believers and encourage each other through fellowship, right? We should be wary of what we call it, lest we let that terminology seep so deep into our minds that it becomes only that, a short time of service and duty to the Lord once a week...

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

- Philippians 2:1-11

In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.

- Hebrews 9:22

Draft Party Supreme

-

Tonight, a bunch of my friends gathered together to watch the first PRE-season game of the Dallas Cowboys and conduct a live draft for their fantasy football league. I don't have much (if any) interest in fantasy football anymore, let alone the time, but, since they made a point of inviting me, I came anyways. It was fun. When I walked in the door, the first person I ran into was my good buddy, Richie. I've known this guy since I was in the 4th grade, but I haven't seen him in awhile. I think I suprised him by greeting him with a hug. I was glad to see him. It was good to see everyone. I generally managed to avoid seeing their computer screens whenever they'd put up videos of bouncing boobs (this happens quite a lot over there), and, while they were conducting their draft, I had the time to do a little bit of work on a project for a friend. I had my laptop with me.

After I came in, I had a good chat with my buddy, Vlad, whom I haven't really talked to in quite awhile. He's been, admittedly, avoiding me a bit. He told me awhile back that he had decided I was being too judgemental of him. I don't know exactly if I was or not, but I know I never meant to be judgemental at all. I just wanted to be the kind of friend that would push him into doing stuff with his life, etc. at a time when he wasn't really doing anything. I was sad that he stopped talking to me, and, at least for tonight, it was forgotten. The first thing he wanted to know about was concerning rumors. There have apparently been a few floating around about myself and my Musankisha, and he wanted to know the truth. I did what I've been doing everytime someone has asked me: I gave him a brief synopsis of the truth. People are shocked that I take our relationship so seriously when we haven't even met yet. The closest we've come is via Skype's video chat. It's hard battling disinformation sometimes. I'm glad I didn't have to with Vlad. Ironically, after I had my laptop setup and while they were conducting their live draft, my amazingly awesome Musankisha called me on Skype. She said she wasn't going to activate the video from her end because she might be embarressed or embarress me or somesuch. I think I somehow conned her into it, but I'm not really sure how. At any rate, I suddenly had a crowd of (mostly) single guys crowding over my shoulder, eager to meet my "very cute" (as one of them described her) girlfriend. It was fun. I hope she didn't mind being a spectacle for a moment. I didn't mean for her to be! It was kind of cool being able to introduce her to everyone though. My friends can all attest that I have not dated very many people in my lifetime. I can count the number of "girlfriends" I've had on one hand. Heck, I can count the number of girls I've dated on one hand! I remember that this used to really bother me at one point, but my opinion has, over time, really changed. I'm glad of it now. My logic is this : If I only marry one woman (and that is my desire), then I only need to date that one woman. Let God lead her to me. If there's only one woman, then there should be no need for others, right? Maybe they were there along the way to help me learn a little bit about love, in preparation for the one woman I will marry. It's good then, I have decided, to not seek anyone out unless I believe God is leading me to her. I believe God has been leading me to my Musankisha, now.

So, my Musankisha got to be a spectacle for awhile. She was the only girl at the party (other than the ones that would later appear via short video clips at several of my friend's commands over the internet from sites like youtube.com). I sometimes wonder, out of curiousity, what Christ would have done if the tax collectors he would dine with suddenly produced a bunch of strippers for entertainment during dinner. Maybe I'm not the first person to ask that question, but it's got me wondering a little bit. I can remember when, during a Superbowl part over there a couple of years ago, my friends ordered the "Girls Gone Wild" superbowl halftime show. I sat outside during that, and I recieved a lot of fire for it. What would Christ have done? How would he have handled that kind of situation where the people want to sin around Him in such a fashion? I think that the easy legalistic answer would be that He would of left during the time they were engaged in such activities, like I did in that circumstance. But, in His love for the sinners, (although not for the sin) how would he have reached out to them to show them that they were doing wrong?

My cat is calling me to feed him, and I think that I told my Musankisha to wake me up in about 4 or 5 hours. So, I'd better go to sleep. The Cowboys won, btw. Feel free to drop any opinions as to how stupid my ponderings might be if you would like, or anything else.

Guten Nacht!

Batman: Ma Parker's girl is more dangerous than her three boys.
Robin: Her legs sort of reminded me of Catwoman's.
Batman: You're growing up, Robin. Remember, in crime-fighting always keep your sights raised.

- The Original 1966-1968 Batman TV series (Episode 2.10 Ma Parker)

When Love is a Nectar for Desire...

-

I am so overwhelmed everytime I talk to my beloved Musankisha over Skype. Watching her facial expressions while hearing her voice adds a new dimension to her beauty for me. It's as if God is teaching me to appreciate and savor her anew each day. That's so cool. Maybe, if I had met her in person all at once in the beginning, I would have missed out on becoming aware of so much of her beauty! Maybe, I would of accidently taken it for granted. But now, instead, I am reveling in it! I so much began to fall in love with her before I even knew what she looked like that, now, I am always astonished by her physical beauty as well!

She suggested to me tonight that, since I have come to talk about her so much on here, I should maybe share a photo of her. So, I promptly took a screen shot as we were talking about this, and she approved it for posting. hehehe. So, here she is! =D

One of the deepest and strangest of all human moods is the mood which will suddenly strike us perhaps in a garden at night, or deep in sloping meadows, the feeling that every flower and leaf has just uttered something stupendously direct and important, and that we have by a prodigy of imbecility not heard or understood it. There is a certain poetic value, and that a genuine one, in this sense of having missed the full meaning of things. There is beauty, not only in wisdom, but in this dazed and dramatic ignorance

- from: Robert Browning by: G.K. Chesterton

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.

- Pablo Neruda

Don't go far off, not even for a day

Don't go far off, not even for a day, because --
because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don't leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,

because in that moment you'll have gone so far
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?

- Pablo Neruda

63

-

We meditate on the things God has done for us to help us learn to recognize and understand the things He is doing now, and, consequently, learn to hope and trust in the things He will do in the future. That was the central theme to what John spoke about tonight at 63. It's all been part of him and Dan speaking to us about spiritual disciplines. In the past few weeks, they have spoken about giving, meditation, contemplation, and, now, the reasons why mediation and contemplation are so important. Really, John was also demonstrating to us tonight how one can go through the act of contemplating scripture as he took us slowly through Psalm 63.

1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

9 They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.

10 They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.

11 But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God's name will praise him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

- Psalm 63

This is, incidently, the passage in the bible that the name of our Tuesday night fellowships was derived from. According to John, the context was the story of Absalom's rebellion from 2 Samuel 15-18. Specifically, John referenced 2 Samuel 15:13-23. In this passage, David and his officials, etc. flee from Absalom's threat. They end up out in the desert, where David ends up writing this psalm. As he writes, you see him reflecting upon his situation. In this first verse, he reflects upon his need for the Lord.

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

- Psalm 63:1

It's easy to see how the desert is affecting his writing as he writes about being thirsty in a dry and weary land where there is no water. He's not necessarilly speaking literally though. Absalom is one of his sons, and is trying to forcefully take power. David is fleeing before him. David's not just facing literal thirst in a desert. He is also experiencing a spiritual thirstiness as these sorrowful things are happening around him. Absalom's story is a tragic one as it is. In 2 Samuel 13, the story is told of how Amnon, another son of David, rapes Absalom's sister, Tamar. Absalom ends up taking revenge on Amnon for mistreating his sister like this, and has to flee from the kingdom after killing Amnon. In a powerful story of grace, David ends up allowing Absalom back into the kingdom. A cool verse from that story, by the way, is

The woman said, "Why then have you devised a thing like this against the people of God? When the king says this, does he not convict himself, for the king has not brought back his banished son? Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life; instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him.

- 2 Samuel 14:13-14

that's a cool story of grace in 2 Samuel 14. But, as far as it goes in regards to tonight's message at 63, it sheds light also on David's love for his son, Absalom. It must have been so hard for him to know that his own son was coming to get him. His spirit must have been very low. We see that in Psalm 63:1.

John then divided the rest of the Psalm into 3 parts to illustrate how we can look at Psalm 63 as a good example of meditation and contemplation. In verses 2-4, we can see David meditating on what he has seen and remembers of the Lord's power and beauty.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

- Psalm 63:2-4

David is thinking about the greatness of the Lord that he has already had the chance to witness and know.

In the next section, verses 5-8, David begins speaking in the present tense, talking about the things he is doing now because of what he remembers about the character and greatness of the Lord.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

- Psalm 63:5-8

Finally, in verses 9-11, we see David speaking about the future and how he trusts in the Lord concerning it.

They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.

They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.

But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God's name will praise him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

- Psalm 63:9-11

David is in a time of crisis. His son is trying to usurp his kingdom, David is having to flee into hiding, and he has plenty of reason to wonder where the Lord is at this time of trouble in his life. Interestingly, this is all fulfillment of part of David's punishment for adultery.

"This is what the LORD says: 'Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.' "

- 2 Samuel 12:11-12

Surely, David must of recognized this. Even so, he continues to place his trust in the Lord. He remembers the lord's love, power, and glory. He sings praises to the Lord because of those things in the here and now, even though he is suffering, and he then places his trust in the Lord to ultimately resolve the situation to the Lord's satisfaction. We can see that evidenced more as we read further in the story of David fleeing from Absalom in 2 Samuel 15.

Zadok was there, too, and all the Levites who were with him were carrying the ark of the covenant of God. They set down the ark of God, and Abiathar offered sacrifices until all the people had finished leaving the city.

Then the king said to Zadok, "Take the ark of God back into the city. If I find favor in the LORD's eyes, he will bring me back and let me see it and his dwelling place again. But if he says, 'I am not pleased with you,' then I am ready; let him do to me whatever seems good to him."

- 2 Samuel 15:24-26

It is said that David is a man after God's own heart.

But now your kingdom will not endure; the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him leader of his people, because you have not kept the LORD's command."

- 1 Samuel 13:14

That verse is speaking of David. So, David is thereby a good example (most of the time. Adultery being an example of an exception...) of how we should follow and praise the Lord. Thus, when we look at Psalm 63, we can use it, as John did tonight, as a good template to follow.

Last month, I got a phone bill for around $540. That was a shock for me and my Musankisha both. We trusted in the Lord though, and I was able to pay it off. Today, I got another phone bill. This time, it was only around $375. That's still a lot. I was really confused because I know that her and I have been working on taking measures to keep it down. Then, I discovered that the billing period ran right up until the point where I got last month's bill. We were still being blissfully unaware then. Furthermore, there is about 9-10 hours of calling her and Cate's cellphones in Germany. (This comes out to about .27 a minute) That's somewhere between aprx. $145-$162 right there. That's about half the bill. The next one I get should be nowhere near this. Plus, we have started using Skype more now. Oh! Speaking of Skype, I discovered something new and good about it! With credit card/bank cards, a person can only make 2 purchases a month of minutes on Skype. They only had available $10 amounts available for purchase. That hurt me last month because it meant that I had to stop using it. (I had not know about the 2 purchase limit until I went to make the third because I was down to .96 either) This month, they have made available to me a $25 purchase option! That's more than twice the total of what I could of purchased last month, and it means that, this month, I can concievably purchase 2 1/1 times the amount of credit! Wooohooo!!!! To make things even better, my Musankisha has been allowed to borrow laptops from a couple of her friends, and now we can communicate via video on Skype without much difficulty and without any cost very often. :-D The Lord is opening doors for us to be able to continue communicating! He's been doing a lot of things for us in our relationship. And, we keep praying for more!! lol. We're so happy about everything He has done for us so far.

I want to take the opportunity to connect that with John's lesson from tonight. My Musankisha and I have been so blessed by the Lord! Just by Him bringing us together are we blessed. I know that, everyday, I am thanking the Lord so much for bringing her into my life. She is so beautiful and wonderful, and loves the Lord so much that I can not imagine not falling in love with her. She is every bit the woman I have been asking the Lord for. As I think about how God has brought us together, about all the things He has done for us together, and about all the ways He has been strengthening us together through a joint love for Him, I find myself praising the Lord like we see David doing in the middle of Psalm 63. I find myself remembering this awesome deed of His, and just wanting to glorify His name for it all the time. I try to make a note to, everytime I am telling someone in person about her, mention God's involvement in it all. I have some friends who are very tired of hearing about it because I've mentioned the Lord so much in the telling. (For me, it's impossible to tell the story of our love without mentioning the Lord in it. I don't think it would be real if it was not for His role in it...) As I praise Him though, I realize that, what He has already been doing, He will keep doing. He's not bringing us together just to break us apart or something. We can trust in him to provide us with good things because of His love for us. And, we can see the reality of that love in the things He has already done and in the the things He is still doing. It's wunderschoen!

Anyways though, it was a good night at 63, and a good message. I love it when John speaks. That's not to say I don't also love it when Dan or somebody else speaks, but I haven't heard John speak so much lately and it was a joy to hear him tonight.

On a last note, John mentioned the time he had a stroke to us tonight. He talked about how, the week after having it, he was fighting a lot of tough battles with fear. You see, they still don't know why he had it. As he put it, he has to live with the realization that it could happen again at anytime. It may never happen. But, there is that little bit of a "ticking time bomb" feeling in it. We really all are ticking time bombs as he then pointed out. I would imagine that that fact is just more real to him because he got a glimpse of the detonator. During that week after his stroke, he was only able to make it through it because he knew that God was in charge. If God decides to let him live to be 84, then he will! If God decides to have him croak tomorrow night, then he will! The best part though is that we knew where he would be if that happened. He would be with God in Heaven. As would each of us who believes in Jesus Christ, accepts His sacrifice for the atonement of our sins, acknowledges His resurrection, and follows Him. If I die tonight, I will be in Heaven with my Lord and Savior. It's the kind of mentality a Christian should have, and, so, I will end this now by quoting (again!) my great-grandparents on this matter:

"The best preparation for life's adventures, whether great or small, is prayer-paration. Many have pledged to us their prayers of faith. They are not wishing us "Good Luck" but "God Speed." In a Christian's vocabulary there are no such words as chance or accident, for our life is immortal until our life's work is done, and then we are ready for the last happy landing!"

- Julie Lake and Eugene Kellersberger - Doctor of the Happy Landings

A Measure of Responsibility

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Everybody is always talking about how their problems are their responsibility. It's a nice way of saying, "Butt out!" when a friend is getting too close for comfort to the truth. The problem is that those are usually the times when a person is in the most dire need for aid. As Christians, we talk a lot about the importance of being there when that person comes calling for it. But, what if they never do? Worse yet, what if they reject it when it is offered because they really feel like it is their responsibility to take care of it alone? Addictions are a really powerful example of these situations. In fact, any kind of problem that requires a change of a habbit is a good example.

It's not easy for me to get up early in the mornings. I fear the responsibility of an 8-5 job because of this. I have been blessed through the job that the Lord has placed me in because my hours have been so much more lenient than a normal job's would of been. Even so, for a couple of years now, my boss has been desiring that I come into work much earlier in the morning. I own several alarm clocks. Three working ones, a laptop, and my cell phone's alarm have all been actively employed by me before to try and help me wake up on time. They didn't work. Sure, they could wake me up at a decent time for a few mornings, but I could always turn them off and go back to sleep. At these early times in the mornings, I'm not fully awake, and I succumb to this a lot. Even if not for that problem, I have the further problem that, after a week or so, my alarm clocks don't wake me up at all. It's frustrating. I know I should have the power to change this, right?

For a short while, a friend of mine, who works with me, lived only a couple of hundred feet away from my apartment. In fact, it was basically across the parking lot. In my need, I hinted several times that he, since he was always up earlier anyways, could help me get up by walking over and punding on my door or ringing my bell. I couldn't really ask directly. It was not his problem. And, even when I asked once or twice for assistance, he turned me down again: Not his problem. Oh, how I wished for a little bit of help...

I don't mean to kick him under the bus here. He's been a really close friend of mine for many many years, and he has his own stuff to worry about. I just know that it frustrated me that I had nowhere to turn to.

In my desperation, I even tried asking my parents to just do as much as call in the mornings. To try to talk me up and out of bed. They apparently were afraid to because it is my problem! This from my parents!!!

Does anyone see the additional problem here?

It's so easy to see my problems with staying up too late at night, drinking too much caffeine, turning off alarm clocks, and sleeping through alarm clocks. I still have these problems, and I do work at them. It's very difficult to change a habbit on your own out of necessity and not out of desire. But, why couldn't I get any help? I was crying out to the Lord to help me!!

We live in a private society world where we not only believe that our problems are our own, but also believe that other people's problems are their own. We sometimes offer to help, usually when we know they won't accept it, and almost never cry out for help because we know others won't want to really bring it if it requires any effort that might amount to some kind of sacrifice. I see this thinking so often in myself. And, a lot of the time, I find myself not offering aid because I know the person needing it might say "yes".

That's not a very Christian attitude in me, right?

It seems like everything in my life recently has been in a new perspective because of my Musankisha. This is a direct result of a truth. This truth is this: I think about her almost alllll the time. But, God, as I see Him answering so many of my prayers through her, has been providing for yet another problem also: My problem with getting up in the morning. Knowing how much I need help, and also because she is so many hours ahead which means that she is in a good position to provide it, she has been calling me each morning to wake me up before work. My phone is quite loud, and, because I love talking to her so much, I always seem to wake up when I hear it. All she has to do is talk me up, out of bed, and to the shower to get it started, and I'm awake on time. It's beautiful how this works, too. She says she enjoys it. I know I do. It has the added blessing of allowing me to wake up to the sweetest voice I know. God so totally answers prayers! We just have to wait for them sometimes.

My Musankisha puts forth that little bit of effort, and it is having a large effect on my life by helping me work on that problem. I was brave enough to ask her because she said that she loved me. I was willing to confess my vulnerability to her because I love her, too. The thing is, she's not the only person who could of helped me. I should not have been afraid to ask, and others should have been willing to help. As Christians, we talk a lot about the willingness to help, and it's something that many of us struggle with a lot. But, at least that problem's in the open. What about the willingness to ask? What if God has provided a solution for our problem that is only a question away, and yet we do not have the courage to ask because we believe that it is our problem?

We are so often begging God to solve our problems for us, too. There is nothing wrong with that!!! The problem is that we start expecting and looking for huge, suprising, awe striking, and obviously from Him solutions. Then, we sometimes even turn away from the more efficient (from His point of view) solution that can be found in a friend. We come to Him asking for a big miracle for a small problem, and it's not always necessary. Don't misunderstand me, please! I don't mean He won't do it! I just mean that we sometimes reject it because it seems to come from a friend, and we allow our feelings concerning responsibility, namely that it is our problem and not our friend's, to prevent us from accepting God's solution, even though we are crying out for it.

I have discovered that I feel very often like I can not rely on people for anything because of this. I can be very critical of someone for not offering help, and, in the same breath, criticize someone else for not taking care of a problem on their own. It's a sad state, and it's emblematic of our society. So, keep your eyes open for other people doing it, and for yourself doing it. We should try to not just offer help, but to also be willing to ask for it. It's part of being a community, and, as Christians, we are in, as Dan calls it, a "Community of Faith".

In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.

Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."

Now Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let's go out to the field." And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.

Then the LORD said to Cain, "Where is your brother Abel?"
"I don't know," he replied. "Am I my brother's keeper?"

The LORD said, "What have you done? Listen! Your brother's blood cries out to me from the ground. Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth."

- Genesis 4:3-12

Meaningless! Meaningless!

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So, since I started this blog in January, there has been only rarely a day on which I have not posted. Many times, I have double posted. And, recently, I went a week or two with very few posts. Whether or not I post though is all:

"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Everything is meaningless!

- Ecclesiastes 12:8

Hehehe. I like that verse. I wonder sometimes if there is some deep theological purpose behind it, or if it's merely "the teacher" admitting his own confusion in regards to his existance and the reasons why. There's probably other meanings one can draw from it, but I always get the impression that he is talking about life being meaningless. Maybe he is just referring to sinful, blissful, lustful life. Life when one does not remember his or her creator. I can't truthfully judge though what he meant. I just know that I enjoy the line. I think though, if I was to try to put my own opinion to it, I would say this: Life is meaningless without God. Life is only meaningful with God because it is He who gives meaning to all that exists by causing it to exist. That's what I think. What do you think? I'm posting the whole passage at the bottom here. Feel free to read it and comment...

1 Remember your Creator
in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come
and the years approach when you will say,
"I find no pleasure in them"-

2 before the sun and the light
and the moon and the stars grow dark,
and the clouds return after the rain;

3 when the keepers of the house tremble,
and the strong men stoop,
when the grinders cease because they are few,
and those looking through the windows grow dim;

+ Ecclesiastes 12:1-3 (click to expand)

4 when the doors to the street are closed
and the sound of grinding fades;
when men rise up at the sound of birds,
but all their songs grow faint;

5 when men are afraid of heights
and of dangers in the streets;
when the almond tree blossoms
and the grasshopper drags himself along
and desire no longer is stirred.
Then man goes to his eternal home
and mourners go about the streets.

6 Remember him—before the silver cord is severed,
or the golden bowl is broken;
before the pitcher is shattered at the spring,
or the wheel broken at the well,

7 and the dust returns to the ground it came from,
and the spirit returns to God who gave it.

8 "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher.
"Everything is meaningless!"

- Ecclesiastes 12:1-8

gluecklich bin ich, weil du mich genommen hast

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It's been a long day. I am probably making more of this than it is, but today I realized how much I have come to appreciate and even depend on the spiritual company of my musankisha. She's off at Freakstock. I acknowledge that I am probably thinking more about this than it is because I can still talk to her via cellphone. It's just not as much, and not for as long. Calling cell phones in Germany is rather expensive. In fact, it's a lot more expensive than calling landlines. It's something like .25 per minute over Skype to call a mobile phone in Germany (.27 over my landline). It's only .02 per minute over Skype to call a landline (.08 over my landline). I was able to call her and read to her before she went to bed, but that was about the limit. There wasn't a whole lot of time to talk about things like we normally do, and I have been missing that interaction all evening. I've been missing her.

It was so cool though when we were speaking earlier. We were sharing quick tidbits of news, and there was something we both decided we should pray about right then and there. As we started to pray, I realized with amazement that her and I pray together so often, and yet we don't struggle with agreeing on what to pray. I guess maybe it is because we talk about the things where we might disagree beforehand, but it's still so cool because, so much of the time, whenever there is something random that occurs to one of us in prayer, it seems that the other is in agreeance. That is really special to me.

I've always longed to have a partner coming before God's throne with me in prayer. Someone who would understand me and match my desires as well as have desires which I would match, too. I've always known that that person would have to be a she. lol. As my Musankisha and I praise the Lord together and petition Him together, I find that I always feel comfortable enough to speak in front of her to the Lord about anything on my mind. Sometimes, in the middle of a prayer, one of us will say something that will cause us to both stop and start talking about it. I enjoy this, too. It makes me feel like her and I are being in a real partnership.

There's a word I learned from her and Cate a few months ago: schleimen. It essentially means "brown nosing" or "kissing up". I don't want to sound so terribly schleimen all the time. We live in a sinful world where the reality is often not what we dream for it to be. But, that does not mean that I can not be happy with what or, rather, whom the Lord God Almighty has provided. I just know that, in this matter, I really am.

On a side note: I watched I Love Lucy for the first time in a long time recently. That show may be old, and it may be on at all hours of the day, but it is still funny. :-p

"I wonder if this bed stops in Chicago."

~ Lucy - I Love Lucy

How much more...

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At 63 tonight, we were introduced to Dan's brother, Eric. He spoke to us for awhile about his calling from the Lord, and his involvement with EDGE Corps. It was interesting hearing about a ministry aimed at the people who "slip through the cracks". His description in those words reminded me of my good friend, Cate, and her ministry in Germany to the homeless and street people there. Eric is apparently still in a training phase, but he had a lot of testimony of people he has worked with in helping them learn how to really embrace and follow the Lord.

I think his "Meat Wagon" idea was the funny moment of the night. He apparently goes around this college campus (I believe it was Wright State University) in a pickup truck with a big old BBQ grill in the back. He'll look for the biggest parties, and stop and cook them free food. While he's at it, he'll use the opportunity to share the gospel. It's a cool idea, and it seems that he has a lot of fun with it.

He shared a verse with us that he says has encouraged him so much in his ministry.

Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand.

1 Chronicles 29:14b

I didn't make the connection immediately, but I read and highlighted that exact same verse only this morning when I was reading God's word. I was so tired this morning that I didn't remember that until I got home! It's a cool verse, and it's so much inline with a lot of verses I've been paying more attention to lately. I guess when we are more acutely aware of our needs, we are also more acutely aware of the verses assuring us that God provides. It's so cool, too, because He really is the God who Provides. One of the Hebrew names for God is Jehovah-Jireh, and it literally means "The LORD who sees" or, as I have sometimes heard, "The Lord who provides". The story where that appears is in Genesis 22, and the verse itself is

So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."

Genesis 22:14

That verse is probably most appreciated in context. It's so fascinating because, in Genesis 22, God calls Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac, the son of promise, through whom God had promised Abraham a mighty nation. Abraham does exactly as God asks him. On the way up the mountain to where Abraham is supposed to do this, Isaac even asks him, "Where's the lamb for the sacrifice?" I can't imagine what it must of been like for Abraham. Isaac was the only son of him and his wife, Sarah. He was Abraham's heir. He was the son God had promised him. And, Abraham and Sarah were both old when he was finally born. Now, here's God commanding him to sacrifice his son! And, he doesn't argue. He just does it. At the last moment, before he strikes his son, his only son, God commands him to stop. God then reaffirms His promised covenant with Abraham, and provides a ram to be sacrificed in the place of his son. This is where Genesis 22:14 occurs.

Later on, it is God Almighty's only begotten son, Jesus Christ, whom is sacrificed for real on the cross. No holding back of the knife. Through that sacrifice, the Lord, who sees our needs and provides for them, provided us a means to be reconciled to Him. God provides, even at the cost of His son.

The references to God's provisions in the bible do not stop there.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34

I love this stuff.

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

1 Timothy 6:17

One day Jesus was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his disciples said to him, "Lord, teach us to pray, just as John taught his disciples."

He said to them, "When you pray, say:
" 'Father,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come.
Give us each day our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins,
for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.
And lead us not into temptation.' "

Then he said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.'

"Then the one inside answers, 'Don't bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can't get up and give you anything.' I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man's boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs.

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

Luke 11:1-13