Points of View

If you blog, you might find it useful to read this article.

I find it interesting to see why people write blogs. (Maybe I am, in a sense, trying to understand myself? lol) In the case of the article I mention above, it's interesting to see how much people in poverish or strictly censored countries desire others to read about their lives so that they can change our opinions about the state of their lives. I wonder if they read about our lives here in America, and think the way about us that they want us to think about them.

"If truth does not exclude, then no assertion of a truth claim is being made; it's just an opinion that is being stated. Any time you make a truth claim, you mean something contrary to it is false. Truth excludes its opposite."
- Ravi Zacharias, D.D., LL.D.

"The claim to equality, outside the strictly political field, is made only by those who feel themselves to be in some way inferior."

- The Screwtape Letters - C.S. Lewis

"All that we call human history--money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery--[is] the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."

- Mere Christianity - C.S. Lewis

"Your father was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker, and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true. From a certain point of view."

"A certain point of view!?!"

"Luke, you’re going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

- excerpt from a conversation between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker in Star Wars : Episode VI - Return of the Jedi

"You can't stop the signal, Mal."- Mr. Universe, Serenity

So, the Catholic church is looking for ways to declare John Paul II a saint. The man has a legacy of pushing peace. I can understand that they wish to commemorate him in a special way. The idea though that, because the Catholic church requires two miracles for "sainthood", and, that they are now looking for those miracles, is absurd.

I posted last night a little bit about Pride. Thinking about pride and its negative aspects usually causes me to think about how it affects my life. How it affects my choices. How it drives my sin.

Reading about the Catholic church seeking to uncover "miracles" attributed to Pope John Paul II makes me think more about Pride. How the Catholic church on a larger scale is caught up in it. So many times throughout history they have demonstrated Pride.

Do you know the biggest problem with a blog/online journal? You can not easily write about the simple things that have happened to you today because you wouldn't want to infringe upon the privacy of those around you. It's very limiting.

The ability to sue is going to destroy this country. When just the fear of it causes us to keep our mouth's shut. Lawsuits are like a paralytic agent that's been injected into our culture. Fear of them keeps people's mouths shut, and those that open them anyways get said lawsuits and end up broke or in prison. There's no good measure of accountability in our system. Not when you have an industry of lawyers armed to fight for the wealthy and twist the system that's supposed to hold people accountable into ignoring the rich.

I've got a link on the right side of my page to "The Best Web Comic." It's actually Real Life Comics. I just read the one for this morning. (see it here) It very acurately describes me. I am very much not a morning person. At least, not a waking up in the morning person. I am, frankly, amazed that I ever make it to church. lol.

I'm starting to write somewhat incoherently now. It's too bad no one will ever see the notepad I just closed containing the rest of my long rant about the Catholic church. I decided it was too much, and I didn't feel like actually researching and elaborating points. Kind of silly, eh? It was about 5 times the length of what survived. If I didn't proofread this stuff, I probably would be banned from ever posting again by my conscience. Good night, people.

"O God, thy sea is so great, and my boat is so small." - Author unknown. Prayer of Breton fishermen.

boastfully yours...

pride

n.

1. A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect.
2. Pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement, possession, or association: parental pride.
3. Arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness.
4. 1. A cause or source of pleasure or satisfaction; the best of a group or class: These soldiers were their country's pride.
   2. The most successful or thriving condition; prime: the pride of youth.
5. An excessively high opinion of oneself; conceit.
6. Mettle or spirit in horses.
7. A company of lions.
8. A flamboyant or impressive group: a pride of acrobats.

brag

v. bragged, brag·ging, brags
v. intr.

1. To talk boastfully

boast

v. boast·ed, boast·ing, boasts
v. intr.

1. To glorify oneself in speech; talk in a self-admiring way.

v. tr.

1. To speak of with excessive pride.
2. To possess or own (a desirable feature)
3. To contain; have.

self-esteem

n.

1. Pride in oneself; self-respect.

- taken from dictionary.com

That seems to me like a lot of reading before even getting to the main post. I like to read the definitions of words sometimes. It helps me to put things into perspective. I think reading the definitions of the words above helps me to understand why I say some of the things I say, and do some of the things I do : Pride.

It's a bit confusing to me to see the words defining "self-esteem". "Pride in oneself" puts a whole new spin on it for me. I've always understood self-esteem as something we are supposed to have. Something that we should work to develop if we don't have enough of it. I hesitate at the thought that a drive for needed self-esteem has been a downfall for me, but it seems to add up to exactly that. When I read the definitions, I see myself boasting about having things and bragging about things I've done at times for the purposes of establishing myself in someone else's eyes as a person to respect. This in turn is aimed at raising my self-esteem with the overall purpose being to provide Pride. Is that how it works?

Thinking back to something a friend said during dinner tonight, I just went back and picked up Mere Christianity again. Chapter 8 was what he referenced. Coincidently, it is on the subject I'm writing about here : Pride. C.S. Lewis says this here :

"...it is Pride which has been the chief cause of misery in every nation and every family since the world began. Other vices may sometimes bring people together: you may find good fellowship and jokes and friendliness among drunken people or unchaste people. But pride always means enmity--it is enmity. And not only enmity between man and man, but enmity to God."

en·mi·ty

n. pl. en·mi·ties

1. Deep-seated, often mutual hatred.

If you read the wikipedia article I linked about (It's here again for convienence), I hope you note that the french make a distinction between self-respect and vanity. I don't want to sit here and write down the definitions of words all night; so I'm drawing the line after enmity. But, the question interests me within my own mind. Why do I do the things I do? Is it ok at all to draw any attention to yourself? What if people ignore you otherwise? Should we not act in a social manner? How do the pieces fit together when a person applies them in His or Her life? I don't think I can ever say, "I'll let you know." on this. I don't see how one can engineer self-respect without Pride. And, I think we all need self-respect to some degree to just make it through the day sometimes.

An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends;
he defies all sound judgment.

A fool finds no pleasure in understanding
but delights in airing his own opinions.

- Proverbs 18:1-2

Ngangabuke Bukitu

I'd like to point out for starters that today is World Leprosy Day. My great-grandfather worked with lepers to such an extent that he earned the nickname "Doctor NOT AFRAID" (Ngangabuke Bukitu *) because his patients would say, "He is not afraid to touch us."

I didn't know a lot about him at all until recently; so, now that I do know, I don't want to let the day pass unnoticed. Today, in addition to being World Leprosy Day, is also one day after the 40th anniversary of his death.

It astounds me that the WHO detected more than 400,000 cases in 2004 of such a deadly and disfiguring disease for which there is a cure.

As I'm sitting on my (not so) comfy couch being tortured into watching a girly show (by a girl at least), I'm not in the least bit inclined to think of the poeple that don't have couches..... or rooms..... or apartments.... or TV's. As a man living in a "modern and civilized" society it's even easy for me to sometimes envy the very style of living that leads to diseases like Hanson's Disease (leprosy).

I remember reading a book called "Spirit of the Rainforest". Amongst it's mainy brutal and graphic stories is the story of a white anthropologist who encourages the Yamomamo indians to keep and follow their old and extremely violent ways. It's that kind of thinking which points directly to the deep hunger inside of all men for something more than he/she can provide for themself.. The deep hunger for God.

This man, this anthropologist, was deeply misguided. So are we when we allow ourselves to be ignorant to the truth of the diseases (like Hanson's Disease) that ravage other parts of the world, but not our own. He who forgets the problems of other men will be forgotten as well.

I've sat and watched the tide go out
But I did not chase - no I did not doubt
The water would return to shore
And meet me once again
And I've known the truth and understood
Or thought I did or thought I could
Be satisfied with points of view
But I'm tired of the din

- excerpt from PFR's song, Satisfied

* from Doctor Not Afraid by Winifred K. Vass

a followup to yesterday's post...

Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist-he denies the Father and the Son. No one who denies the Son has the Father; whoever acknowledges the Son has the Father also.
1 John 2:22-23

notizie cattive

I have a feeling it might be a good idea to pay attention to this case :

Judge to Rule on Merit of Christ Case (note : the www.yahoo.com linked to the article as "Priest may face trial for saying Jesus existed"

It sounds like a serious matter. A priest essentially being on trial for saying Jesus exists. That's a fundamental claim of christianity. Apparently, two Italian laws, one about "abuse of popular belief" and another about "impersonation" are what this priest is being accused to of breaking. It's not suprising to me to see an athiest behind this. So many attacks against christianity recently have been brought to court by athiests. (Consider the question of The Pledge of Allegience's constitutionality case, the Ten Commandments case, etc.)

* Edit : One line from that article really sums it up and stresses the seriousness of the matter for me :
"The priest's atheist accuser, Luigi Cascioli, says the Roman Catholic Church has been deceiving people for 2,000 years with a fable that Christ existed, and that the Rev. Enrico Righi violated two Italian laws by reasserting the claim."

"But before all this, they will lay hands on you and persecute you. They will deliver you to synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors, and all on account of my name. This will result in your being witnesses to them. But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves. For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict.

- Luke 21:12-15

Distant thoughts from an off and on again afternoon of work....and an evening at home later on....

Malaysia Creates Team to Track 'Bigfoot'

"KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - A southern Malaysian state will appoint a team of scientists and experts to hunt for a "Bigfoot" beast after the reported sighting of three giant human-like creatures, officials said Thursday."

I can't believe people are going to get paid to hunt Bigfoot.

That's crazy!

It's not the only crazy thing going on in the world though.

Retail giants Costco, Walmart looking into biometric payment

I always fear things like that. It might be related to articles I've read about UPC codes and the mark of the beast...

(paranoia prevails again...!)

That particular paranoia was with me all throughout middle school and high school. It along with other "end of the world" stuff that I was forced to watch really caused me to step away from God in a sense for awhile. I don't know if there was a conscious act of rebellion on my part, but I was definatly tying to stay away from the principles and practices because I became afraid that I wouldn't be allowed to enjoy life. I remember still watching a christian TV "news" program that was attempting to correlate current events with biblical prophecy. I remember that I was forced to watch it. I remember that it terrified me. I remember that it talked about this mark of the beast stuff and about microchips being implanted in our bodies. (Those are now in many of our pets, btw) It was very elaborate in its predictions, and they made a lot of sense to a young kid just begining transform into an adult. I felt like my whole world, all my hopes and dreams for my life, came shattering down around me. All because some pair of idiots were so craving a spotlight that they speculated and assumed their way into encouraging paranoia.

My father still watches that show.

I'm glad to say I'm a bit better now. I'm still not sure if the world is going to end today or tomorrow, but, at least, I'm more comfortable with accepting whatever The Lord God Almighty brings my way. That's an important part of trusting in Him : Learning to accept whatever He brings even when it doesn't seem to fit into the plan you think He has for you.

There will be days where nothing makes sense.

There will also be days where the only things that make sense are the doomsday predicting religious TV "news" shows....

Hamas Election Victory Shocks World

Why being bored sucks...

Funny thing about being bored is :
It gives you plenty of time to write,
and nothing worthwhile to write about.

It seems to be the story of my life most nights. I used to just go out to the bar on those kinds of evenings. That would usually mean not being bored. It would also mean drinking a lot and spending a lot of money. I grew tired of hoping that I would miraculously meet a "good" girl at the bar years ago. It becamse a place of regulars and watching sports on the tube. Tonight, sadly, I missed it. I almost went up there in fact. I don't know exactly why I stopped going. It wasn't because it was boring me. (it wasn't doing that)

I think it had something to do with me wanting to take the things I do on an every day basis in life more seriously. I wanted to not drink as much. I was getting close to letting it become out of control. I had just quit smoking, and I knew that the bar would encourage me to pick it up again. The drama up there was starting to get to me. When you go to one bar (any one place really) long enough, you get to know the employees and all of the regulars to a pretty good extent. I might also have left because some of them had. I don't know. Maybe there isn't a singular reason. Maybe it's a glob of reasons. Maybe I just came to the conclusion that God didn't want me to hang out up there anymore.

I've posted before about how I can look back and see changes in my life in the last couple of years. Drastic changes. It's scary to me to also realize how many changes have occurred in the last few months.

After so many changes, and so much turmoil, I now seem to be in a state of near lethargy. I feel motivated to do more, but scared to invoke more change. My heart is racing, and I feel like pounding the dirt with my feet. I don't even know where to go though. Some people talk about how they want their "perfect" spouse to like all the things they like, and all the things they do. And, they don't want them to rock the boat. (except in that way so many young people do want them to rock the boat....ahem) I wonder if I am weird in wanting someone who will push and pull and drag me kicking and screaming by my toenails into being someone better and doing something good with all this free time I seem to have.

I figure that, when it comes to finding a spouse, there is only one right person out there. (One right woman in my case.) And, I can't expect to find her on my own. Only God knows where she is, or even if she exists. So, I kind of figure that He'll help us to meet when He feels like it. I've wasted enough time looking around every corner and seeing no one. A lot of people tell me its my own fault for "not trying". I don't think they really understand. This is about trust for me. It's about me trusting in The Lord's plan. Maybe for some people, it really is just a lack of effort. I don't know. I do know that, if you effort to find someone, you are more likely to end up with the wrong someone.

Enough on that subject though. (It almost went into the "forget this post" pile after that paragraph. And, maybe it should of. hehehe)

I find it very easy to get upset sometimes when I see things on the news.

Headlines like : "Fatah Party: Hamas Wins Palestinian Vote"

In this case, it's not the media that is upsetting me, but, rather, the event.
It drives me crazy to see a group so bent against Israel and bent towards Terrorism gaining a "legitimate" foothold in the region. It really tests my trust in the Lord. For, I know that His kingdom will prevail, but it gets me to see the other side seem to carry an upper hand.

Patience and trust are difficult in times like these. Times where the very fabric of Christian morality is under violent attack by TV programs, Commercials, Radio, Magazines, our education system, our newspapers, our friends...

Even our fellow Christians at times. I've been one of those before. Citing opinions without realizing what those opinions ultimately meant.

It's really difficult at times to confront myself and force myself to admit that one of my opinions is wrong.

Trust. I have to work on trust daily. From the moment I wake up to the last moment before I drift into sleep I am having to work on trust. Knowing consciously that The Lord's plan will prevail doesn't mean that I know the reality of that thinking. Oh, how easy it is for us to assume that having a "belief" or an "opinion" about right or wrong is the end of the matter. A person can not entirely understand the reality of a "belief" or "opinion" (or maybe I should add "faith") without acting upon it.

So, I'm bored. I need to go to bed, and I sit down and start writing this instead. Now, I have to trust that The Lord will help me wake up on time in the morning. I have to trust Him in that because if I don't, I might not make enough money to fully cover rent. (I do one of those leases where the last month is larger than the previous ones....unfortunatly, this upcoming month is such a month.)

Trust, trust, trust. How does one measure trust against responsibility and action? At what point does one attempt to act on trust to such an extent that he or she becomes a full fledge stoic. I believe that stoicism to that extent is not what God intends.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
- Mathew 6:25-34

* Edit : How does a random post suddenly become this big without me realizing it until after it was posted?!?

Fourth Time's the Charm

I'm sitting here, looking at three open notepads on my computer.
Three.
That's how many times I've started writing an entry right now.

Each one of them fell apart after I had spent about 20-30 minutes or more trying to sort them out, flesh out the best point made, and then close them back out with whatever point I started them with.

i.e. I may start writing something, and because of it drift into something else without closing the first thing I started writing. The something else takes on a life almost of its own. However, it's relevance is still established by the something I was originally writing about, and now can't seem to finish. A.D.D. is not fun sometimes.

This one almost made the fourth abandoned post. I'm wanting to write on a consistent basis for this blog. I really enjoy doing it, but it takes a lot of time to do it to my satisfaction. I've already spent about 2 hours on this tonight. That's kind of frightening. My cat is very angry. I promised him food "in a few minutes" two hours ago when I started. I'd best go take care of that.


I'm going to do a first (but probably not last) with this post.

Instead of the normal quote by another person, a song, or a piece of scripture, I'm going to, tonight, post a poem I wrote (and that was published) a long time ago. It's not greatness by any stretch of the imagination, but, once again, this is my blog to torture people with as I please. Muwahahahaha....

Waste

I close my eyes, and all I see
are thousands of people walking aimlessly.
A darkened sky; no sign of moon.
No stars shining bright, just eternal gloom.
The ground is barren and doesn't show
the tracks of the people walking to and fro.
The air is heavy, visibility low,
and the people don't notice it.

For just a moment the world is clear;
I see things as they're meant to appear.
I see life: the empty void.
The path I walk: crooked, destroyed.
I see the light of a thousand moons
raining down on my face with a thousand wounds.
I see the beasts, decrepit and dead,
worms crawling out of their rotting heads.
Then it is gone in a blink and a flash.
I open my eyes and the moment's passed.

- Kelly (as in me)

Them.

Random News Article #1
Random News Article #2
Random News Article #3
Random News Article #4
Random News Article #5
Random News Article #6
Random News Article #7

A news/blog page you have possibly not heard of before...

It's probably strange to see just a bunch of links like this. So, let me explain my intent. Most people don't pay enough attention to the news. Or, if we do, we see it only in the light of yesterday's news. These are links to 7 news articles I picked off of Yahoo!'s top news thing, and an 8th link to an interesting and informative site concerning a news area most people probably don't consider.

I hope that you are informed by these links, and that you discover something going on that you didn't know about that outrages, shocks, or impresses you.

I like to rememeber the words of the song below when I read these sorts of things...

And the band marches on and on and on without slowing
And their leader leads them on and on and on without knowing
Never looking back to see the mess that they had left behind

The media mediates between the masses and the myth it creates
But it never knows the damage grows the more it bends the truth

They tell us what they want us to hear
They patronize our aching ears

It's all too clear the wealths of violence and sexual perversion
Offer more than just some innocent psychological diversion
They have left so many bleeding, needing help from Christ the King

We don't have to watch what they want us to see
Yet we've let them bind our hands and feet

How can you say, "let's all remain unaffected,"
when no lines were drawn, the band just marches on
And they forget you when you fall down
- PFR - Them

"He made the earth by his power;
he founded the world by his wisdom
and stretched out the heavens by his understanding.

When he thunders, the waters in the heavens roar;
he makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth.
He sends lightning with the rain
and brings out the wind from his storehouses.

"Every man is senseless and without knowledge;
every goldsmith is shamed by his idols.
His images are a fraud;
they have no breath in them.

They are worthless, the objects of mockery;
when their judgment comes, they will perish.
- Jeremiah 51:15-18

llama la llama

It calls the flame.

We live in an "On Demand" world. Of course, you can not watch TV without, most likely, seeing Comcast commercials saying as much. Bank commercials speak of demanding more from your bank. And that's not where it stops, but, rather, just where it begins. We have the right to demand more. We should expect more. Growing up in the middle of a rich little community landlocked in North Dallas (let those who know the lay of the land guess at will...hehe), we were taught always to expect more of ourselves because of our "lucky" opportunity in being part of that community. We were told that we were special, and that we should expect more from life because of this. Settle for nothing less they told us. This is still very much a driving factor in almost everything I do. I can see where they were brainwashing us to expect to be important, and, yet, I still can not humble myself as much as I ought because of it.

Demand More.
Be More.
Expect More.

These are the words that drive our society today. These are the thoughts and ideals behind almost everything we do. What do you get when you reach the top? A cookie?
Why can't we be happy with who and what we are? Why can't we be satisfied with how we are made by our creator, and the station in life that God Almighty has commanded for us to be in? I speak easily for myself here when I say that : "I am not satisfied with where I am right now." I'm trying to come to grips with whether what I feel is right or wrong. I try to be patient, and wait for Him who died for my sake to show further His love (as if He should need to) by bringing me to where I think I should be. I tend to get frustrated when I see it's not happening. Or, at least, when I am unaware of it happening. What does my displeasure say about me? I don't believe it's my right to be upset about it. I don't believe it's even my right to question the Lord about these things. However, my actions do not always line up with my conscious beliefs and opinions. Sometimes, I act directly opposite. It comforts me to think of the patience which The Lord had with Job. Job, who was demanding of The Lord to know what Job had done to deserve his misfortune. God just put him in his place instead. Patiently. What a comfort it is to think that The Lord who died for me also has the patience to put up with my unceasing complaining and restlessness.

What I discovered is, heritage doesn't puff you up with pride. It really humbles you. If you look at the lives of the people you have come from you kind of go, "If they had married anyone else, if they had moved anywhere else, if their lives had been one iota different, I wouldn't be here." And so you have, not a big debt, not a crushing debt to pay, but you are part of an ongoing thing. You are not alone in the world. You are part of an ensemble."
- from, Rich Mullins: An Arrow Pointing to Heaven by James Bryan Smith

Digressions of a polluted mind...

I bought this bottle of crown the other day.. (I was conned into doing it. lol...suuure....)

Anyways, whenever I get a bottle of alcohol these days (and, I still enjoy crown. :( ), I end up trying to finish it off quickly so it will go away!!!

At any rate, in my haste, I have drank just barely enough to be unable to write coherently. I'm sorry. I used to go out and drink all the time. Now, my tolerance is much lower. lol. I realize many people might read this and think, "OMG! What a hypocrite. Claiming to be a christian and such...."

Sorry to disappoint, guys. Being a Christian is, I believe, very seriously about admitting how much we are flawed. Heck, AMEN to that!

I believe that not only should we live our lives according to our words, but that we should also choose our words accoring to our lives.

Anyways, not to digress...

My point is...

I don't want to try to be creative right now. My thoughts and ideas are not exactly taking on so much coherency at the moment. So, have some song lyrics and poetic notions that reflect them instead :

It's the song of the redeemed
Rising from the African plain
It's the song of the forgiven
Drowning out the Amazon rain
The song of Asian believers
Filled with God's holy fire
It's every tribe, every tongue, every nation
A love song born of a grateful choir

It's all God's children singing
Glory, glory, hallelujah
He reigns, He reigns

- Newsboys - He Reigns

As the Ruin Falls

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

- C.S. Lewis

"Freedom is not the ability, the right, to do what I wanna do. It is the power to do what you should do. Freedom is the freedom to love and not hate, that's freedom, If you can't love, you can't forgive, you're not free."

- DC Talk

If all men stood talking of their rights before they went up a mast or down a sewer or stoked a furnace or joined an army, we should all perish; nor while they talked of their rights would they learn to do these things...The man preoccupied with his own rights is not only a disastrous, but a very unlovely object; indeed, one of the worst mischiefs we do by treating a man unjustly is that we force him to be thus preoccupied.

- C. S. Lewis

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:2

a little morning reading...

The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

- Romans 8:19-27

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

furry feline friends

This is my cat. 

More specifically, this is my cat sleeping on a chair by the window.




This is my old cat.


It's very weird having a new cat. I had my old cat for so long, and he was so badass..... It would of been impossible then to have predicted how cool my new cat is. So completely different though.

My new cat, Rajah, is an indoor animal. My old cat, Chris, was an outdoor one. Chris had his pelvis get twisted on him by being in the bushes next to our porch one day when my brother was stepping off of it. The vet said he'd have permanent arthritis from that. Furthermore, Chris then went out and got hit by a car... (I can still see him limping up our front steps where we found him the next morning) He lost a leg from that. Then, he became a diabetic. We had to give him a shot every day for the last couple of years of his life.

Sounds pretty bad, eh? I know other people that have worse stories of their cats. The crazy thing about Chris though, was that, until a few months before he died, he was still bringing us the squirrel and lizard presents every week or so. He was still chasing the alley cats off of his territory. He was a badass. We had to put him down after he became dehydrated one night, had his legs give out on him on the way off of a table, and somehow ended up hanging from the edge of the table all night... The vet said he would never walk again.......so we let him go.

By that time though, I was custodian of Rajah. I had moved out of my parents awhile beforehand, and had had to give up Chris because I couldn't look after a diabetic cat. Then, a friend asked me to take care of Rajah because he was going to be unable to.... Rajah previously had the name "Pimp Cat" He most certainly lives up to it.

Rajah is the kind of cat who will follow you around the house, jump up into your lap, sleep next to your head, and talk to you as if you should understand every word he says. (and we do. :) )

He's curled up in a chair next to me right now. If I stand up, he'll wake up and demand food. (Naturally...) He's giving me that look now, in fact.

Some people will contend that a dog is a man's best friend. I don't know if that's really true. I think that, when we give a cat a chance, they'll prove that axiom wrong almost every time.

Also before the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal.

In the center, around the throne, were four living creatures, and they were covered with eyes, in front and in back. The first living creature was like a lion, the second was like an ox, the third had a face like a man, the fourth was like a flying eagle. Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under his wings. Day and night they never stop saying:

"Holy, holy, holy
is the Lord God Almighty,
who was, and is, and is to come."

Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne, and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:

"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being."

Revelations 4:6-11

More preachiness

I was always so afraid that, by obeying The Lord, I would be a hypocrite. I would be saying that I was not saved by grace, but, rather, by works : by obeying.

It wasn't until I read 1 John 5:3 (This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome...) that my eyes were opened and I saw otherwise.

As a Christian, my reason for obeying The Lord is not to save my own skin.

Christ died for me, and, hence, I am saved by grace.

grace -
A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence.


So, by believing in Him, and accepting that grace, I am saved. Nothing more I have to do. So, even when I sin now, I am still saved. Abstaining from sin does not make me any more or less saved. Works mean nothing in terms of salvation.

(If works were the defining thing, then there would be no way at all by which any of us could keep them up. When we think about how God would be understanding of our failures because we suck in comparison to man, we are looking at our sin in the wrong way. We can not compare our sin to other men. We can only compare our sin to the one that does not sin : God Almighty Himself)

So, that raises the question : Why bother to obey at all since we are saved by grace!?!

Simple answer is : We obey out of love for Him. He created us. He died for us. He made everything we see, hear, touch, taste, feel, or even think. We owe everything, and our salvation through His sacrifice to Him, and we should love Him. How does one then love God? Well, it says right there in 1 John 5:3 : By obeying Him.

Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.
- John 14:23-24

too late...

Man, I'm tired. I've been sitting around playing Guild Wars (Definatly my favorite game at the moment), and I really don't feel like going to sleep. It's almost 5 AM though. Surely, I must be at least as dorky as I sound, right?

I'm still trying to understand what kinds of things I want to write about here. After last night's post, I'm a little afraid of being "preachy". I don't know why I or anyone else would want to read a blog like that. Surely inspiration will come, yes?

Speaking of feeling tired....I didn't wake up until 1 (PM) today. So, maybe it just feels like I've been awake forever. I know I certainly feel like falling over dead. My cat is yelling at me to feed him though, so I should probably go do that....


His flesh wastes away to nothing, and his bones, once hidden, now stick out.
- Job 33:21

The Past...

And thus we rust Life's iron chain
Degraded and alone:
And some men curse, and some men weep,
And some men make no moan:
But God's eternal Laws are kind
And break the heart of stone.


And every human heart that breaks,
In prison-cell or yard,
Is as that broken box that gave
Its treasure to the Lord,
And filled the unclean leper's house
With the scent of costliest nard.


Ah! happy they whose hearts can break
And peace of pardon win!
How else may man make straight his plan
And cleanse his soul from Sin?
How else but through a broken heart
May Lord Christ enter in?
- Excerpt from Oscar Wilde's "The Ballad of Reading Gaol"

If you could compare me to myself two years ago.....
...you would be astounded.

It seems like I've been a christian for so long now. I remember becoming one as a child, and I have been one ever since. But, there was a time in my life, where I wasn't acting much like one at all. I was doing a few things right. People around me were telling me how good of a person I was. But, lust and bitterness were consuming me piece by piece.

There was a low point almost two years ago. Let's just say that I found myself in a position of complete and utter failure. A position where I was about to concede (and in fact had decided to do so) my last and most important boundaries against the things that were consuming me.

God chose that point to step in and foil my plans.

With a mighty jerk, all of my fears and nightmares seemed to come true around me. I wept. Then I prayed, and, in one dashing moment, The Lord stepped in and caused something miraculous to happen. Something that was in direct answer to prayer. This miracle involved a friend who was supposed to be half the world away (Germany to be exact). I asked Him to have her show up on AIM just so I could talk to her in my moment of agony. Instead, He chose to have her call me. Furthermore, He had her call me from only a few miles away to ask me to drive her to church that night. I did, of course.

As I walked into the church that night, He answered another prayer. One I had prayed a long while previous. I had told Him I would go to church......but only if He provided me with the right one (I was also very picky). As I walked in, I heard His Spirit whisper to me, "Here it is. This is where you will be." It really has been the perfect place for me.

In the months that followed, I began to really change. I joined a bible study. They were just getting started on a great book about lust called "Every Man's Battle." Talk about irony. That book dealt directly with some of the issues in my life that had been bringing me into my agony. I made a commitment to be there, and God helped me keep it. I still went to the bar though...

Two years later, and now, I'm going to church on Sunday mornings, too. I'm not frequenting the bar anymore, and I'm now aprx. 3 months without smoking, too! My job has substantially improved. My love life is as quiet as ever, but it doesn't bother me so much anymore. I still battle the Lust Monster though. I'm more aware of it now than ever. Comparing how I fight it now to how I fought it before makes how I fought it before look like a complete surrender. Just thinking about the way I used to desire before makes me ill.

I really don't think most of my friends even understand it, or are even fully aware of the change. The quitting smoking alone should of been like a boulder in a pond... It's funny how everyone tells you how good of a person you are when you really aren't, and how far off you are when you are actually working on being good!

I pray that those reading this understand what I'm trying to say.
I'm astonished when I consider the change inside of me.
The Lord did it all. He even pushed me into the beginings of it.

Praise be to Him!

2This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. 3This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, 4for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.
- 1 John 5:2-4

Confident Introductions

2 Corinthians 2:2-3
"For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling."

This is my first real post, and I felt that the above verse is most appropriate. It is how I feel right now whenever I think of posting to this blog.

I have no master plan (yet) for this blog. I hope that as I start just posting what I think that things will come to mind. There will undoubtably be much scripture quoted here. That is probably not uncommon. There will also be quotes, lyrics from songs, and hopefully some well thought out and written rants about how much we all suck as a society. There will undoubtably be much bad english (esp. in terms of syntax), and crazy, even hypocritical, thoughts and ideas.

Hey, I'm a human. Just don't sue me. :)

The Grand Canyon as seen during a vacation I took in August 2004 

Dry Tea

This is my first post.

I would like explain all their should ever need to be explained about the name of my blog here.

I am allergic to tea.