A Life of Dull

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Since I got back, it seems like I haven't been doing a whole lot at all. The best times of the day are when I talk to my Musankisha on the phone. She's off on the tropical isle of Tenerife while I'm here in Dallas. Some postcards from her have arrived. I'm so jealous.

In Dallas, it is so dull. There's work, and, oh ya, more work. I've been waking up every morning around 6 AM, and arriving at work around 10. These are almost normal hours!! What's wrong with me!?!? Of course, I feel really lopsided when I'm talking to my Musankisha, and, after telling me about her exciting day, she asks me, "So, how was your day?" I know she's not expecting an exciting answer, but I feel so suddenly dull. What can I say that can compete with that? "Oh, I rewrote this bit of code here, and had to write this other bit of code for this client over there..."? That doesn't really sound to good on a normal basis, let alone when it comes after, "Oh, we went out on a boat out to a lagoon where we saw whales and went swimming in crystal blue water!" (OK, so I added the part about the "crystal blue water", but, hey, I have postcards. They show a lot of it...)

This is not a rant about me feeling the need to compare adventures and lives here. That's not my purpose at all. I'm so glad she is having a great time, and I love hearing about it. This is just a rant about how boring and dull my life suddenly seems in general ever since I got back from Germany. All of my friends here have their own little lives now. I spend a lot of time at home, alone except for Rajah. Going out means spending money, and I can't do that. Especially now since I'm getting married soon! People talk sometimes about fearing getting married and "settling down". They worry about not seeing their friends so much anymore. Heck, I am looking forward to the company!

I don't want to sound so pathetic. I feel a lot like I'm in a state of limbo, hovering between one phase of life and another. The times of hanging out with my friends late everynight seems to be, unfortunatly, winding down. I guess that's what happens when people start having families and relationships and such. There's not so much time left for hanging out and watching Sportscenter reruns for hours and hours after a hockey or football game. I also can't do another thing I used to do: Go spend lots of money and time hanging out at the bar. At least there's 63 on Tuesday nights, right? There's also, come to think of it, bible study on Monday nights. Those nights have become the highlights of my week. It's all crazy.

The words "give yourself to us" were ill chosen. The very muscles of Jane's body stiffened a little: if the speaker had been anyone who attracted her less than Camilla she would have become like stone to any further appeal. Denniston laid a hand on his wife's arm.

"You must see it from Mrs. Studdock's point of view, dear," he said. "You forget she knows practically nothing at all about us. And that is the real difficulty. We can't tell her much until she has joined. We are, in fact, asking her to take a leap in the dark." He turned to Jane with a slightly quizzical smile on his face which was, nevertheless, grave. "It is like that," he said, "like getting married, or going into the Navy as a boy, or becoming a monk, or trying a new thing to eat. You can't know what it's like until you take the plunge

- That Hideous Strength - C.S. Lewis

"Oh, Lord, forgive me please if I am living with my eyes so often closed!"