Coming back to 63

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Tonight at 63, there was a guest speaker named Mike. With my ADD, I didn't entirely follow all of what he was saying, but I do remember that he was basing his sermon out of a passage from Colossians.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Colossians 2:6-7

He was talking about the importance of continuing to live in Christ. It made me think of the struggle everyday that I seem to be feeling. This struggle of knowing that God has brought my Musankisha and I together, and yet struggling with some of the simple everyday obstacles that can become so faith threatening because we are so far apart. It's not easy sometimes, although it really should be. We should just be able to say, "We trust you, Lord", and then just throw all these problems to Him and not worry about them.

Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Psalm 9:10

Instead, we worry about them anyways, and spend a lot of time trying to solve them ourselves. In the end, He does not need us to "play any part at all" in achieving His will. After all, He was the one who said "Let there be light" and then there was light.

And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.

Genesis 1:3

I think we sometimes get confused when we try to understand His will in light of our own will. We know what we want, and then we want to understand why He isn't doing it for us even though we ask Him.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Romans 8:26-27

I think the reason for our unanswered prayers is that they are not the will of God. Maybe we don't understand why they're not His will, but our lack of understanding doesn't change what is or is not His will. He loves us, and desires to richly bless us.

For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him,

Romans 10:12

These are things that have been hanging around in my head for a long time. At Chick-Fil-A after 63, there was at least one guy expressing His frustration over the way in which God has not provided for Him a wife. In fact, he was even angry over the way in which God has provided my Musankisha to me in our engagement and maybe even a little bit about how some of the other, younger, people at the table were already married and talking about kids. I can understand that pain because I used to feel the exact same way. I used to feel so angry about these things.

In the course of the last few years though, I have spent a lot of time trying to understand why God had not provided me with a wife. I was so lonely. I eventually realized that it was just not His will for me to have one yet. It was tough to accept that other people would not have to wait as long as I was having to. When God brought my Musankisha into my life, it was not immediately after realizing any of this either. It was much later, at a time of His choosing.

It was so hard for me to accept that He did not want what I wanted, and that was, maybe, the chief source of so much of my pain over these past many many years. Maybe I was angry with God because He was not doing what I thought He should do for me.

We've been talking in church about the importance of making sure that we are not worshipping a "make-believe" God and just calling Him Jesus. We've been talking about the importance of knowing who He is and what traits are part of or not part of His character. If one does not pay attention to this, then one is not really worshipping or following Him. Then one is pushing ones own opinion onto God. I think it's a challenge for a lot of people. A good example might be the issue of judgement and war. In the old testament, God orders the killing of many peoples. He executes righteous judgement on thousands and thousands of people. In our modern society, where we preach the sanctity of life, it's really hard for us to accept that side of God. The thing is, how can we possibly understand the awesome truth of his mercy if we can not understand the righteous judgement and destruction that we are being saved from by it. And, how much more awesome then is His grace?

A lot of people would say that it's not fair. Maybe it seems that way to us now. I believe that, in the end, it will all be perfectly fair to such a degree that no one will be able to argue it. But, now, there are still a lot of questions in our minds, and we just have to trust Him. We just have to accept His will, and follow it. Even if we don't know why.

And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.

Exodus 33:19